Conspiracy of the Universe

The netflix dvd's needed to be dropped off today in order for me to get replacement dvd's in a timely manner.  While doing the deed i ran into a couple new friends i made at the senior coffee last week. I went because it was january birthday celebration day. Normally i only go on bingo days.  Once a month is enough.

For many of the last 30 years i have been a loner.  I believe i have been a loner most of my life. I grew up in a large family and had many friends while growing up. Some of those friends are still in my life to this day. My time alone is precious, maybe because of growing up in a big family. I love my family, but with so many of us there was little time to be alone.

As an artist, a discovery i made at 45, i guess it's not unreasonable to like time alone.  The nature of creating and making a jewelry line and art, and writing my bits and pieces of life is kind of a solitary process.  No matter how much i try though more and more people are invading my life.  Is it a bad thing? I'm just questioning and wondering why my life and thinking is changing.

"Getting older is not for the faint of heart"  someone famous said,  and he/she was sssssooooo  right!!! It also causes one to reflect on the past reasons for doing things or not doing things---living and being.

There is a snob in me.  I don't want to be infirm and use a cane--i don't want to be a senior and be offered a seat on the bus because of my gray hair--I don't want to attend a coffee that's listed "senior coffee day", and the list could go on. Many of the reasons are stereotypical reasons having to do with getting older.  WHAT ME!!!!!  NO WAY!!!!!

All along i profess that age is just a number and has nothing to do with how i feel.  Well for me it does have to do with how i feel.  Reflect ann marie--the cake i had last night has sugar and gluten which i was told are bad for me and i did it any way.  Shit.  See, guilt creeps in like a thief in the night.

Back to the conspiracy of the universe. 

The time has come for me to let people into my life. Serendipitous situations demand it. I still need tons of alone time but i also need people and conversation and fun. The universe has been good to me in providing me with a beautiful place to live in a city i love.  There are trade off's as with everything in life but with my skype by my side and my growing curiosity blooming again i believe renewal has begun.

Thank you, God, Universe, Goddesses.
Just call me an ecumenical curious women of a certain age.

 







 

Resolve continued

At least i am posting. The problem is my ignorance of the machine i'm using.  The language for the use of said machine is confusing.  

I'm a button pusher and tend to go for it when i don't understand the directions--hence-lost writings.  The important thing is to keep at it and along the way i'll find help and will persevere.

My Blogging Resolve

I just lost, into outer computer space, my first blog in a long time and i am pissed.  If i knew more about this computer i would be able to find it,  Instead i'll try and remember the brilliantly written (i'm sure) review of my decision to start posting again.

"I think it's time for me to cut the apron strings, ann". You've been off your meds for a few months now and you seem to be progressing nicely".    OMG.  Scary. My therapist is my savior.  She has seen me though years of so much and now she wants to set me free?  Oh my!

I came home to my fabulous apartment (my nest) on the 19th floor and burned some sage and meditated.  I have been feeling a sense of renewal for the last few months and i wanted to celebrate that feeling in a special way.

I have been told, after expressing the sadness of it having been gone, that creativity lays fallow for a while and will appear again.  I had my doubts. No doubts now.  Not only the art of metal but the writing art also.

While a child, i belonged to the 4H clubs, and made many friends.  Some are still my friends.  One friend in particular has been in and out of my life in profound ways for many years.  We are now email buddies.  She in borrago springs, ca and me in new york city. We are opposites  in many ways but our likenesses are the good things we cherish.

We email several times a day.  We both enjoy writing and get to  use each other to express what our lives are like in many different ways.

While emailing my friend i decided to try a new writing style.  My writing teacher would have a fit as i ignore some writing and grammar rules.  I might revise my style but i'm a work in progress and rules are meant to be challenged and sometimes broken.

I intend to pay attention to my long neglected blog.
 

Time Flies in The Face of Adversity

I had $75 worth of groceries taken yesterday  and I can't seem to let it go. THOU SHALT NOT STEAL. I've had many items stolen from me--jewelry, clothes, furniture, and one never gets use to it. I know I shouldn't have left my shopping cart full of groceries outside the "Good and Plenty" take out place. It's a small shop and I've done it many times. If everyone came in with a shopping cart there would be no room for customers--it takes up space. I'm certainly not the first regular to do that. SO WHAT!!!!!

I just hope the person was hungry and needed the food more than I did. There are much more important wrongs going on than this one and time heals BUT...........Choke on it!

Morter and Pestel Mystery

I am in love with mortar and pestles. I only have two sets but there is something about the two that inspire. I will use them soon to make a rub for a flank steak I just took out of the freezer and have never made before. (that I remember)

When 2012 comes my New Years resolution will be to use my mortar and pestle more. The beauty and mystery lies in the oneness of the two.

Long Past Summer

Oregon was my home for two months this summer. It's where I was born and raised. I visited my son, my sister and four brothers and their spouses, cousins, aunts, and uncles, and friends I've had for 50 years. Went to two reunions----family and 50th class, river-rafted the Umpqua, swam across the Row River outside Cottage Grove, saw Garrison Keeler at Britt in Jacksonville, went dune buggy ridding with a guide in Bandon, went to an Oregon Ducks game in Eugene and so much more I had to rest up and take to my bed with a bronchial infection for two weeks when I got home.

I was just starting to feel better---but not wanting to pass up any trend, I discovered I had bed bugs. Don't know where they came from but I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. It's been horrible. I really don't want to go into detail except to say that it really messes with your psyche. And your bank account. The building paid for the exterminator but I still had to replace the bed, bedding etc. I'm happy to say I'm bug free after being declared so by the inspector but one never knows with those smart resilient pests. I'm saying my prayers and taking preventative measures.

It's great to be back home on the 19th floor mid town hell's kitchen. I'll be going to Brooklyn to babysit my daughters dog Amber over Christmas. Whaaaaaat?????????

Elevator Story # Two on the 4th

Last year on the 4Th of July--my friend and I decided to get together and have a hot dog with all the trimmings and then get our chairs and go upstairs to the 44Th floor to watch the fireworks from the hallway window. It was the first year since 2000 that Macy's had chosen the west side. The east side was usually the chosen location.

We were staking out our spot when a tenant, who had an apartment on the west side of my building, invited us to view the fireworks from her balcony. The view included two more barges and the statue of liberty way down in the harbor. We took her up on her offer. The spectacular display was punctuated with oohs!!! and aahs!!! from everyone.
It was breathtaking to say the least. We felt privileged to have witnessed the display from such a great venue.

This year was a different story. No big whoop. I stood with my chair and my binoculars and waited for the elevator to get to my floor to carry me to an upper floor for a better view. The door opened and there stood an attractive women all dressed up and smelling good. She looked at me and said "there she is with her own chair". I said "and you're all dressed up for a party". "Yes I am, I'm going to a suarei and watch the fireworks". We exchanged conversation--she got off--I picked a floor and there I was in front of a window in the hall to watch the Macy's fireworks display.

I was joined by several people and we too expressed ourselves with oohs!! and aahs!!

When it was over, it took some time for the elevator to come, but when I got on there were people from the upper floors on their way home with fighting sleepy kids. All of us agreed that it was the most beautiful we had seen. When I exited the kids were still fighting and their ice cream bars were melting on the floor. The evening was a success.

Wonder what I will be doing next year?