Conspiracy of the Universe

The netflix dvd's needed to be dropped off today in order for me to get replacement dvd's in a timely manner.  While doing the deed i ran into a couple new friends i made at the senior coffee last week. I went because it was january birthday celebration day. Normally i only go on bingo days.  Once a month is enough.

For many of the last 30 years i have been a loner.  I believe i have been a loner most of my life. I grew up in a large family and had many friends while growing up. Some of those friends are still in my life to this day. My time alone is precious, maybe because of growing up in a big family. I love my family, but with so many of us there was little time to be alone.

As an artist, a discovery i made at 45, i guess it's not unreasonable to like time alone.  The nature of creating and making a jewelry line and art, and writing my bits and pieces of life is kind of a solitary process.  No matter how much i try though more and more people are invading my life.  Is it a bad thing? I'm just questioning and wondering why my life and thinking is changing.

"Getting older is not for the faint of heart"  someone famous said,  and he/she was sssssooooo  right!!! It also causes one to reflect on the past reasons for doing things or not doing things---living and being.

There is a snob in me.  I don't want to be infirm and use a cane--i don't want to be a senior and be offered a seat on the bus because of my gray hair--I don't want to attend a coffee that's listed "senior coffee day", and the list could go on. Many of the reasons are stereotypical reasons having to do with getting older.  WHAT ME!!!!!  NO WAY!!!!!

All along i profess that age is just a number and has nothing to do with how i feel.  Well for me it does have to do with how i feel.  Reflect ann marie--the cake i had last night has sugar and gluten which i was told are bad for me and i did it any way.  Shit.  See, guilt creeps in like a thief in the night.

Back to the conspiracy of the universe. 

The time has come for me to let people into my life. Serendipitous situations demand it. I still need tons of alone time but i also need people and conversation and fun. The universe has been good to me in providing me with a beautiful place to live in a city i love.  There are trade off's as with everything in life but with my skype by my side and my growing curiosity blooming again i believe renewal has begun.

Thank you, God, Universe, Goddesses.
Just call me an ecumenical curious women of a certain age.