Hello NYC 1992!!! Good-bye NYC 2014???

Yesterday was a dreadful day.  I missed my family.  I missed my kids, and although grown and opinionated, are the soul of my being. The holidays and the dysfunction of my city had "done me in".  I might be ready to reassess my situation and move back home. Oregon.  My home state.  WHAT!!!

When i was young i drempt of living in a big city.  The fantasized choice was Paris or Greenwich Village in New York City.  I wanted to know how other people outside my state lived.  I wanted diversity and the exposure to other cultures.  It was a dream and honestly i  believed it would never come true. Never come true.  But it did.

A couple divorces, my daughter's marriage to a transplanted New Yorker and the discovery of art and metal and jewelry, some tragedy and some miracles, led me here.  I am sitting at my desk as i type, looking north, up Ninth ave. toward Harlem and Queens, in an apartment, far beyond my wildest sane dreams. Actually i really did have a dream in 1983 of this apartment. After being on the waiting list for several years, i received a call saying an apartment at Manhattan Plaza was ready for me if i was ready for it.  My daughter went with me.  I dropped to the floor when i entered because right in from of me was the view i had seen in my dream.

The excitement and curiosity that brought me here 23 years ago has grown stale.  Granted i haven't been out of the city for 5 years and as everyone knows who is a transplant, that that is far too long not to have a break.  The recent problem with the police over the killing of Eric Garner and subsequent protesting and the need for police reform all over the country has left a deep sadness in my being.  The problems with law and order are everywhere--i know that--but i live here now and saw and heard hundreds of protesters out side my window several nights in a row and felt helpless to do anything about trying to make things better.

I was scared for the first time.  I have never been afraid before.  I have always felt safe here in Hell's Kitchen.  But...I am older now and less able to get around. The city feels like a traitor.  I feel like a traitor and a coward.

Today i decided to go to the library to return books.  I ran into a friend, on my way to the bus, who lives in the building and is a prolific and talented mosaic artist. We chatted a bit about the holidays, and her recent gallery shows and sales. I congratulated her and told her i was getting ready to leave for a visit to Oregon to see my family.  After all the recent hoop la i was thinking about maybe moving back to the ol home state.  "You're a New Yorker. You can't do that. Things will turn around. They always do". The brief conversation with my friend started me thinking.

I returned my books to the library  and was waiting for the return bus on 42nd street when i realized i was witnessing some typical, yet unique, New York actions.  A big ol SUV did a u turn right in the middle of traffic, a common occurrence here in the city.  A local helped a confused tourist with directions, while an Asian girl asked me if this was the right place to wait for a bus going to the pier. Yes it was i said  Once on the bus i heard the driver voicing a welcome and enjoy the ride, while an older tourist couple, without the proper change, were given a free pass.  The bus was crowded but the women was given a seat by a younger gentlemen who could have been a local.

As we proceeded west we passed through times square.  I noticed new cement barriers had been erected going into the times square area.   The city was getting ready for the onslaught of visitors and locals alike who would be crowding into the area to see the ball drop on new years eve.  (I open my window to  hear the countdown)  At one of the stops the transit cops boarded the bus and were watching the rear doors to make sure people wouldn't sneak on.  Some tried. They didn't succeed.

I got off the crowded bus at Ninth Ave. and returned to the security of my home. The ride and my excursion to the library gave me lots to think about. This city that i love is alive and vibrant and ever changing.  Politics will always be controversial as will the unions, and big business.  Here it seems to be more IN YOUR FACE.  Don't know if i want to have to deal with it anymore.

I have been checking the housing situation for seniors in a couple cities in Oregon. All my relatives except my grandson are there.  I don't know.

Happy 2015!!!  What will the new year bring???!!!???  Love and contentment for all, is my wish.  Dream on you Pollyanna!! You cynic!!